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“This needs to be part of the care of our children now.” Or, as Lang puts it: “You don’t want to be the parent who gets the phone call from the other parent who says, ‘Your child showed my child pornography on their phone today.’ You do not want to be the parent who gets the phone call from the school reporting, ‘Your kid did this and exposed some kid to pornography today on the school bus.’ You don’t want to be that parent.” Several years later and Mary is still working through much of what she witnessed during the year, perhaps longer, that she watched porn.
“I think, in her situation, it was almost a trauma,” Lydia says.
The problem: Pubescent and — as the statistics show is extremely common — prepubescent — children are developing their sexual selves out of a very narrow, very shallow pool of information, often to the severe detriment of themselves and their future partners. They had parental controls set on the computer, Josephine says. No access to digital porn — or so Josephine thought. “No matter what I do,” she told Alice, “you’re going to dig deeper and deeper [to find porn].” And that, she said, was the last thing she wanted, to run the risk of her daughter being forced to go “so far underground” that she found even more adult content.
The numbers were even higher in another UNH study: 93 percent of boys and 62 percent of girls said they saw online porn sometime during their adolescence. It is predominantly amateur (whether produced to look that way by porn studios or actually so).“That bothers me, because you need imagination to have empathy and [you need empathy] to develop relationships with other people.” The influence of porn on sexuality is well-documented; perhaps you’ve heard the term “fifth base” in relation to the increase in straight young women trying anal sex at their male partners’ insistence — or sometimes, coercion — rather than their own interest. It’s your job to make sure they have healthy sexual education.” That means books ( is Lang’s go-to, while Langford has written two books on the subject).